Can’t remember where I left off, so just picking up rambling mid-thought…

So… lately at PN, I’ve felt like people are argumentative just to be argumentative. They pick each other apart, word by word, and if someone else doesn’t agree with their personal, individual philosophy, then they say derogatory things about that way of life in general.

In many ways, I blame this De-Frost campaign.

Until the campaign to eject the Frosts from the pagan community at large reemerged from a temporary hiatus due to AJ’s brain injury (among other things), PN had one of the most chill, tranquil, groovy energies of any forum or online community I had ever seen. People were sharing thoughts, loving and supporting each other, learning, teaching, and growing. I thought to myself, Self… its only taken a few decades, but the pagans have grown up enough to get along. Jump on in, Self… the water is fine, and no one has lambasted anyone else since Sekhmet left in early ‘06 or so. Honestly, Self… its okay… it really is truly a nourishing atmosphere now… growing is not over, but growing pains are.

Well.

I mean, really.

I knew I was being optimistic, but yeesh.

Once the often heated discussions about the Frosts began, then things such as namecalling, hairpulling, credential displaying (my dick’s bigger than yours and so is my list of degrees), chest thumping, pitchfork and torch waving began to be the normal order of business. Okay, I didn’t see anyone get their hair pulled… but I know for a fact that if it were possible to pull hair through a computer monitor, it would have been done.

Sister against sister, brother against brother… this is how it feels. Like… for a brief, shining period of time, we could all of us be totally open about who we are and what we think and how we feel without fear of censure or criticism. That brief shining moment, to me, makes the lack of trust to open or share that freely even more painful. To have had spiritual communion and lost it is worse to me than not having had it at all.

So… being the kind of girl I am… I went looking for solutions.

Every time I spoke in the forums against the escalating madness, however, I got slammed down. That gets pretty old, so eventually I stopped (mostly) doing that.

Okay… that makes it time to look elsewhere. I’ve attended two UU services, and a close friend is involved in one of the local CUUPs groups.

It’s better than nothing, and may be more than I’ve ever known. They accept me, without trying to change me. They offer me community, growth, understanding, love… and cookies and coffee after church.

They provide me with an atmosphere where I can revere the Lord and Lady next to someone worshipping God and Jesus, and across the aisle from someone chanting softly in Cherokee.

Better than continual strife, methinks.

Not that I’m going anywhere… but PN may become my late night snack instead of my sustenance.

Maybe.